{life hacks} 10 Simple Ways To Be Happier Every Day

Are you happy? Would you like to be happier? I have been reading a lot of articles on the internet about the habits of happy people, and boy are they stupid. So I would like to add a few of my own. Of course I have no medical or psychology training and just made these up, but I think you will find that if you just do these simple things, you will be happier every day!

10 Simple Ways To Be Happier Every Day

1. DRINK LOTS OF WATER. Or, something else that will refresh and hydrate you. Like 5 or 6 vodka tonics. Yeah, that will do it.

2. THINK GREEN. Try to get really rich, like filthy rich, like Richie Rich who had the robot maid and the closet with 200 of the exact same outfits. I mean if he is so rich then why does he go to the laundromat to wash his money? That doesn’t make sense on about 4 or 5 levels, but I digress. Anyway I don’t know how exactly it will make you happy but it seems like if you’re hella rich and still unhappy then that’s kind of your fault. So you could start there.

3. DON’T BE AFRAID TO FAIL. Be terrified to fail. Failure is suuuuuper scary and you should avoid it at all costs!

4. DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. Unless it’s like, a tiny brown recluse spider that has injected its flesh-eating venom into your testicles, or a mini spy camera that is transmitting our nuclear secrets to an unstable despot, or some uranium-235 atoms splitting and creating a nuclear explosion. In reality there are some incredibly small things that are utterly terrifying so use your judgment here.

5. BE BUSY… BUT NOT RUSHED. Be smart, but not a know-it-all. Be nice, but stand tough when it matters. Be tough, but get nice when it matters. Be cool, but also a nerd. Be pretty, but not like “intimidating” pretty. Do you get the idea? If you can just find some invisible, intangible, perfectly unachievable balance in literally everything you do and are, then you will probably be happier. EASY.

6. GET SMART ABOUT CHORES. Do you hate raking leaves? Here is a tip that works every time: just f*ckin’ leave them on the lawn and binge watch House Hunters instead. This tip works for other chores too! Amazing how much happier you will be once you adopt this tip. Also the people on House Hunters are literally the worst so you will instantly feel better about yourself.

7. LOVE LIKE YOU WON’T GET HURT. The best way to do this is to go and live as a hermit, in a cave, by yourself, forever, with only rocks for friends. There might be another way but I can’t think of it right now.

8. DO ONE THING EVERY DAY THAT SCARES YOU. Like: cut one of your toes off very slowly with a handsaw, or quit your job and live in your car, or break all the windows in your house with your forehead. On second thought, I am not sure why this tip is supposed to make you happier. But people always say it so it must be true.

9. DON’T EAT YOUR FEELINGS. Feelings taste terrible. And they are really hard to eat. Eat something delicious like an ice cream sundae with extra whipped cream, or chili cheese fries, or a bottle of wine, or better yet, all of the above and then another bottle of wine.

10. DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING. Seriously, no one is watching you. They’re either looking at the really good dancers, or they’re looking at their phones. If you are a really good dancer then it’s OK if people are watching and if you are a phone then BEEP BOOP BEEP BEEP BOOP.

photo credits: Awful People on House Hunters, Chemistry Tutor Vista.