{seriously, stop} Here Is What I Think of Your Healthy Watermelon Cake

I keep seeing this on Pinterest and Facebook again and again and I can no longer stay silent. The idea is that you cut a watermelon into the shape of a cake and then ice it with whipped cream or whipped coconut milk. Then you present it as a real cake. Here is an example.

People act like this is a good, a clever, even a brilliant idea. Even more dismaying, they claim they are going to make this for their child’s birthday, as a cake. Even though, it is just a f***ing watermelon inside!

Now, I have nothing against watermelons. I like watermelons! But they are not cake. So just eat some watermelon and don’t pretend it’s a cake. Just eat cake, or don’t, but this whole thing is pointless and potentially psychologically scarring to children. I can’t fathom what the children in my life would do if they cut open a cake to find it is a fruit, even if they might be happy eating a bowl of watermelon under more normal circumstances.

From a taste perspective, who wants whipped cream or coconut milk on their watermelon? That’s right, nobody. And don’t even get me started on the slivered almonds. Watermelon is good on its own, now you made the stupid fake cake AND put weird stuff on it.

This bear sums up how I feel about this idea.

Seriously, stop.

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6 Responses

  1. ginny says:

    As happy as I would be to have some watermelon after this f*cking winter, I will kill anybody who makes this for me.

  2. Wendy says:

    OMG! Yes! I do not want whipped cream on my watermelon — particularly on a day like my birthday when people are supposed to be NICE to me.

  3. Emma says:

    And to think that the kid me thought that putting raisins in chocolate chip cookies was blasphemy…. Kids today, man, how do they survive??

  4. Amber Lopez says:

    When I first saw this recipe on a friend’s fb post, I thought it was an idea for a prank. Even as a joke, it would be cruel, very cruel…

  5. Gabriela says:

    I thought it was a crazy idea too. But my 5 year old requested one with blueberries for his birthday. He’s been talking about it for 6 months. So I will make this and a real cake.